A Quickie...

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." 
That's Direct Marketing. 

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed." 
That's Advertising. 

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." 
That's Tele-marketing. 

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." 
That's Public Relations. 

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." 
That's Brand Recognition.

Shorties:

> > >> > Living on Earth may be expensive, but it 
> > >> > includes an annual free trip around the Sun.. 
> > >> > ---------------- 
> > >> > Your future depends on your dreams 
> > >> > So go to sleep ! 
> > >> > ---------------- 
> > >> > ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY 
> > >> > So what ? Who's in a hurry ? 
> > >> > ----------------- 
> > >> > Work fascinates me 
> > >> > I can look at it for hours ! 
> > >> > ------------------ 
> > >> > A good discussion is like a miniskirt; 
> > >> > Short enough to pertain interest and long enough 
> > >> > to cover the subject 
> > >> > ----------------- 
> > >> > A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge 
> > >> > began, you've been brought here for drinking.. 
> > >> > Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get 
> > >> > started? 
> > >> > ----------------- 
> > >> > When a wife was asked: What book do you like the 
> > >> > best? 
> > >> > She answers: My husband's cheque book.. 
> > >> > ---------------- 
> > >> > My father is so old that when he was in school, 
> > >> > history was called current affairs!!!!
> > >> > ---------------- 
> > >> > Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a 
> > >> > donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be 
> > >> > Showing? 
> > >> > Student: Brotherly love!! 
> > >> > ----------------- 
> > >> > Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is 
> > >> > exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy 
> > >> > his? 
> > >> > Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog! 
> > >> > -------------------- 
> > >> > Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the 
> > >> > manager! 
> > >> > Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either. 
> > >> > -------------------- 
> > >> > Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible 
> > >> > to teach you anything! 
> > >> > Son: That's why I say she's no good! 
> > >> > -------------------

Uncle FRED..

It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming 
around at noon. So John heads back to the clubhouse and phones home. 

"Hello?" says a little girl's voice.                                                                                                                 
"Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says John. "Is Mommy near the phone?" 

"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Fred." 

After a brief pause, John says, "But you haven't got an Uncle 
Fred, honey!" 

"Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!" 

"Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, 
run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to 
Mommy and Uncle Fred that my car's just pulled up outside 
the house." 

"Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl com! es 
back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy." 

"And what happened?" 

"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed and ran around screaming, then 
she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and 
now she's all dead." 

"Oh, my God! What about Uncle Fred?" 

"He jumped out of bed too, and he was all scared, and he 
jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he 
must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to 
clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now 
he's dead too." 

There is a long pause. 

"Swimming pool? !!!!!!! 
Is this 555-3097?" 

How was I born?

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?" 

"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us." 
"Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. 

"Oh, the stork brought us too." 

"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. 

"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner. 

Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: 
"This report has been very difficult to write because there 
hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three 
generations."